And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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