I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do vagina's smell?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
