Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
