Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
