You really coming over, don't trick.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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