I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
