She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
