Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Porn is love you can see.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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