I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
