toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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