you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
