she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
