I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
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Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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