He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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