he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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