Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize