Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
