I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
