its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
