I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
