I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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