she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
