wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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