Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
