I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
