my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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