i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So many bounce houses so little time
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
