Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
