So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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