No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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