Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
