After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize