i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
