i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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