i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
