guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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