I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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