Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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