wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
