I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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