Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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