I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
