I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
