I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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