jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
