I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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