I looked at my own cervix.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
