i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
