i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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