Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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