but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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