How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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