I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
