I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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