She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
