she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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