Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
