someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
