I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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