I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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