Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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