Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
