I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His hands were made for my vagina.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
