Your mouth is God's brothel.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
