in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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