i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
