and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
