dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
