just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you made out with another girl for some wings
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
