haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
