I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
